Jan 21, 2019

On the eve of my baby's first birthday

It's nearly 11pm and I can't sleep because tonight my baby turns a year old! Tomorrow my baby is no longer a baby, but a toddler, even though she'll always be my baby. This year went by in the blink of an eye even though some days felt like mini eternities when we were in the thick of it.

It absolutely astounds me that at this time last year, I was laying in a hospital bed, riding through waves of cramps as we waited and hoped for the Cervidil to be enough to induce labor (spoiler alert: it wasn't - birth story finally coming soon!). A year! A full year and that feels like yesterday. Each and every moment of my labor and delivery with Haddie feels like literal yesterday. It is so vivid in my mind and it truly feels like yesterday that I was still pregnant, like yesterday that our baby was finally born, like yesterday that she was taken to the special care nursery, like yesterday that we brought her home. Like yesterday that I was struggling to recover from delivery and learning to adjust to sleep deprivation.  Like yesterday that my parents and brother came to visit and we were sitting on the couch watching the Olympics with a 3 week-old baby. So many "like yesterdays" - the first time I fed her, our very first night home with her when that little bassinet that had dutifully sat empty next to our bed for months was finally filled with it's occupant, the first week, first month, first of many doctors appointments and shots, first time she rolled over, first smile, first laugh, the first time she met every one of our relatives and friends, her first road trip, first flight, first bite of food, first sip of water, first time at the ocean, and the lake, first time seeing rain, and snow, cats, dogs, birds, sun, sky, wind - all of it! First of every holiday, from St. Patricks Day to Easter to 4th of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's and this, her first MLK Day. First book we read, first song we sang, first bottle she took. First time she played with each of her toys and stuffed animals, first time she wore every cute outfit. Her first sicknesses and injuries, the first time she held my hand.  All the little discoveries she's made from mirrors, to crawling, to her first steps.  Also the lasts - last night in her bassinet, last time she wore each of her newborn, 3m, 6m, 9m, 12m clothes, last night in her swaddle, then Woombie, then sleepsacks.  Last bath in her baby bath, last ride in her swing, last trip in her infant carseat, last time she sat in her boppy, bouncer, and little chair. Last time eating pureed food. Last time in her wrap.  All of this, every moment, feels like yesterday, and yet it's taken place over an entire year.  The first moment I saw her little tiny face, feels like yesterday and yet it was 366 days ago. 

I know they say it gets faster and faster, but I really hope the next few years feel a little bit slower.  I am trying to work on savoring the moment and slowing down, but life sure has a way of making it difficult to do that.  So tonight I'm looking forward to savoring tomorrow and celebrating my girl's first birthday by doing all of the things she likes, even though I have to work, and even though she's getting her 12m shots on her actual birthday.  And I'll try not to cry in my protein shake in the morning over the fact that I no longer have a baby but a toddler.

Like yesterday


  1. First things first: Haddie is legit the cutest baby I know (errr, Internet-know). She is absolutely adorable, & I can't wait to continue to watch her grow & change. Happy birthday, babygirl!

  2. I remember the first time I met Miss Haddie! She is such a delightful child and I witnessed her first swimming pool moment! It was the highlight of my summer!


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